It's About Me

Since my not-so-glowing review of Wally Lamb’s novel I Know This Much Is True, I’ve been thinking about the kind of story I do like and why. I got a clue listening to the radio the other day. Trace Adkins said it in a song that is brilliantly honest and succinct in expressing the reason for his love of country music: “because they’re songs about me.”

Watching Trace’s stage persona, it would be easy to take that as mere narcissism, but that would be a mistake. Country music’s themes are few, simple and personal. Even the rare political songs rely on personal touchstones. Heartbreak, faith, nostalgia, love, sacrifice and the comforts of home bring those songs right into country fans own lives. Even rich and successful professionals like Trace Adkins don’t leave the poverty, hard work and disappointment behind when they make it big. They make art with it and touch others like them.

Two of my favorite novels are Nobody’s Fool, by Richard Russo, and Lonesome Dove, by Larry McMurtry. It has been years since I first read them, but I still think about the protagonists in these novels often. The “hero” of Nobody’s Fool is Donald Sullivan, a.k.a. Sully, a broken-down, small-town carpenter on the wrong side of fifty, a failure in marriage, business and fatherhood. He has made bad choices at nearly every turn in his life, yet the character is charming, genuinely loves women, is a loyal friend and a worthy opponent for his sometime boss. The inseparable partners and friends of Lonesome Dove, retired Texas Ranger Captains Augustus McCrae and William F. Call are two sides of the same stubborn, independent coin, wanderers by nature and the most unnatural of businessmen. McCrae is the charming ladies man who blew it with the love of his life, Call is taciturn and repressed, unable to express even the simplest of emotions except frustration with his longtime Rangering partner. Their attempts at settling down and living a normal life are half-hearted and often pathetic. But they are each endearing for their courage, sense of duty and justice, their respect for even their enemies, and their awkward expressions of affection.

I love Sully, Call and McCrae more than any other characters I’ve encountered in literature. After much thought, I know why. I am late middle aged, a broken down carpenter and, like Sully, limping into what little future remains to me. I have the business acumen of Sully, McCrae and Call. I can be charming like Augustus McCrae—and as non-committal. I suffer from Call’s inability to express intense emotion and share his reluctance in the face of any confrontation that is not violent. I am also a loyal friend and, like Augustus, would rather spend my time with women than men, with a couple notable exceptions.

These three characters encompass much of what I see in myself, or in some cases dearly hope is there, my good points and my flaws, my rare successes and my failures, my potential to do the right thing or become what I have not so far been. No one character is all me, but significant aspects of their made-up personalities reflect my own. While McMurtry’s and Russo’s writing styles differ significantly, what they had to say with and about their characters struck the same chords in me.

I hope I can make some good stories of my missteps and failures, my ragged attempts at love and moneymaking. I want to write stories that touch others’ lives the way Russo and McMurtry have touched mine. If I work long and hard, I think I can take this misspent life and create something good, a novel of which someone can one day say, “that story’s about me.”